Letters to Heaven

I was driving home this evening with just my son in the car. He was asking me important questions, like "What is worse Mommy, lava or evil people?" I then had to explain all the benefits of lava; it can create islands, change the environment, the landscape and anything else I could make up that didn't sound made up. Next it was explaining that evil is evil and that nothing good ever comes out of evil.

After a few minutes he says, "Mommy I have a very important question I want to ask you."
I told him he could ask me anything he wanted to. He said, "Can we write letters to heaven and mail them?" I told him that our prayers are like letters to heaven and that anytime we said a prayer it was like sending a letter to heaven. "Oh" he said. I asked him who he wanted to send a letter to. "I want to send a letter to Chelsea to tell her that I miss her." he said. Yeah, I really miss her too!

Readjusting our Routine

It is funny how we settle into a routine in our lives. We just do things without consciously thinking about them through out the day. This has become so clear to me since getting home and not having my little shadow following me. I go to the door to let her in because I don't sense her following me, I put scraps of food aside for her, I start to go out and give her water in the morning, I want to pet her with my feet when I am at the computer working; all things that were part of my daily routine that are no longer necessary.

I have been surprised by how my children have handled the loss of our dog. My son has never paid that much attention to her. He has always been kind to her and loved giving her treats in the morning, but not a lot more than that. My daughter on the other hand was always doing something to her. She would kiss her, hug her, let her in, give her treats, etc. She is my animal lover. Since finding out about her passing, it has been my son who has taken it the hardest.

He wanted me to give him a picture of her so that he could keep it in his room. When I got home yesterday he was sitting on my husband's lap crying for Chelsea. He has come up to me several times,with tears in his eyes, and tell me "Mommy, I miss Chelsea."

My daughter on the other hand, had a hard time when we buried her. She really cried and was worried that Chelsea would not be okay under the dirt. But after that, she has not really said too much. She hasn't cried or talked too much about her.

We all have to readjust our routine, to move on with our lives without our little dog. As for me, it will be a long time before I get used to the fact that my shadow is gone. I miss her terribly.

My Sweet Chelsea

I had to say goodbye to my sweet little Chelsea today. We buried her at my grandmother’s ranch, under a walnut tree, by the cows. The perfect spot for my little cow dog that I loved with my whole heart. She was the perfect dog, sent to me by God, to get me through the last fifteen years.
She was staying with my brother while we were gone for the reunion. This is where she always stayed when she didn’t travel with us. She loved my brother, and he was her second choice. If she couldn’t be with me, she wanted to be with him. He called me Saturday night and told me not to worry, but that Chelsea wasn’t acting right. We talked about taking her to the vet; both deciding that we would wait and see what tomorrow would bring. He had left a message with his vet and when he called back, he told him the same thing. No food or water for 24hours and see how she is in the morning. After several phone calls back and forth, I told him I would call in the morning to check on her.
When I went to bed that night, I said a prayer for her and I asked Saint Francis to be with her. I asked that whatever was to happen, to not let her suffer.
I knew as soon as I talked to my brother, even before I called, that she had not made it through the night. He was crying and told me what had happened. He said that he had made her a bed right next to where he was laying. He set the alarm to go off in two hours so he could check on her and see if she would need anything. He said that he woke up before the alarm went off. He went to pet her, his dog barked (She very rarely ever barks!) and Chelsea just rolled over and then breathed her last breath. She went very peacefully, with my brother petting her and his faithful dog standing guard.
I was crying and I told my brother how sorry I was that he had to go through this. And he told me, “I was honored to be with her at the end.” I love my brother because no matter what happens in life, he is always there when you need him. He took care of her for me so that when we got home, I could see her one last time and be there when we buried her. She looked as if she were just curled up sleeping.
I was so blessed that this little dog came into my life. I thank God that he allowed her to be with me for 15 years. She was a loyal and loving companion not only to me but to my children. I knew our time was getting short and I had been praying that she would be able to go on her terms and that I would be able to be with her. God did allow her to go on her terms. I do not believe that I would have been able to let her go if I was with her. She was always loyal to me so she went when I was not there; when she could leave without me trying to stop her.
I will never forget that she left me on Mother’s Day. She was my baby when I didn’t have any. When I didn’t think that I would ever have children of my own, she came into my life. She was my only child for almost ten years. She stepped aside gracefully when I did have my two children. I went from petting her with my hands to rubbing her with my feet! I loved her just as if she were my child. Because she left me on Mother’s Day, I will always remember her on this day.
When we buried her we said a little prayer. I know that it is taught that dogs don’t go to heaven. I believe that they do not go on their own merits, but that they can go because of our desires. Heaven would not be Heaven without my little Chelsea there. I therefore prayed that God would make sure that she would be a part of my Heaven someday. Even more incentive to get there!